Rust | dream about being a person;

"you can't choose what stays and what fades away"

I feel like I should go back writing a bit about myself on blogs or social shit, somewhere. Not for the sake of being read of course, more like to type down how I feel and how I deal with my life at the moment, and maybe - maybe - get to look inward what I’ve reached. Or just to know where do I stand now.

So, I feel like I should. Then somehow I stop in the moment I’m about to start. Words and thoughts are there, in the muddle of my brains, pushing to pour out, but there’s something blocking them all the time. Self-defence mechanism, laziness, lack of will, lack of time - I’ll never know.

The point is, things are happening so fast lately, that I cannot keep track of them. This year, 2016, is going so quickly I barely noticed it's already autumn right now. A lot of changes happened, inside and outside me. I've been unhappy and very happy. I felt things again. Things I thought I couldn't even feel anymore. And I am so grateful for that, even if those brief moments are gone and probably won't come back until an awful lot of time.

I've met people. I had them with me for meaningful moments, and as easily and unexpectedly as I've got them, I've lost them right after. Forever, or maybe until the next time. Faces, voices, eyes and emotions - familiar and unknown ones. Some of them I related to, some others I grew apart from. Each and every one of them made me ponder and, modesty aside, made me wiser also. It developed me on so many levels. Even the littlest thing seems special and precious, even the bitter and painful ones, so worthy of attention. So worthy to be felt...and yet, I cannot keep anything close for too long because time and places are slipping through my fingers like water. Or rain. It rained a lot this year. But I've got days full of sunshine as well. Colours and scents drenching my hair and my heart. It felt right. It felt like a fresh start.

This post doesn't make much sense. It's probably full of everything and nothing, random blabbering. Nevermind.

I don't know where I'm heading to. Honestly, I don't even know where am I going to live in one month or so. Which path will I follow, what's going to happen in the future. What is my plan. I know I'm not completely alone in this - and again I feel grateful and so so so lucky. Yet, I'm scared as hell sometimes. Most of the time. But I cannot let fear in. Not like I used to. I don't want to stop just because I feel scared. I do want to move forward. Going backwards, covering the same steps, wouldn't help anyone, expecially me.
It's a long journey, but it's all about it.
I need to feel it and live it, make the best out of it until I still can.
I can choose some things and people, but I most certainly cannot be sure to have them with me throught it all.
I can't choose what stays and what fades away. And I need to fully understand this. Embrace it. Come to terms with it and bear in mind some things are out of our will and control. That's both the bad and the good about it.

Jesse | bitch!;

[p0rn fest #8] tabellina dei prompt

Il 99% è roba che claimo per il gusto di, perché tanto so che non le fillerò mai *ride*

Batman, Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle, addosso solo un filo di perle
Gotham, Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle, frottage
Gotham, Edward Nygma/Harvey Bullock 'hey Ed, riddle me this'
Hercules, Ercole/Megara, caviglie deboli
The Fall, Danielle Ferrington/Stella Gibson, uniforme
The Fall, Stella Gibson/Tom Anderson, huntress and prey
The Musketeers Constance/D'Artagnan, barba ruvida
The Musketeers Athos/Milady, 'But it's fair to say you will still haunt me' (Alt-J)
The Originals Elijah Mikaelson/Hayley Marshall, guardare ma non toccare
RPF Attori, Dianna Agron/Natalie Dormer/Phoebe Tonkin 'Le bionde sono il mio punto debole' 'Si, Phoebe, lo sappiamo'
RPF Attori, Katie McGrath/Natalie Dormer, 'You do me first.' (cit.)
RPF Attori, Katie McGrath/Tom Hiddleston, 'Mi leggi Shakespeare?'
RPF Game of Thrones, Natalie Dormer/Sophie Turner, 'You're gonna get over it, meet someone special, fall in love again...' 'No, I won't. I don't want to.'
RPF Mockingjay, Liam Hemsworth/Natalie Dormer, morning after, shower sex
Johnny/Winona | never forever;

[RPF Scrittori] Untitled

Fandom: RPF Scrittori
Personaggi/Pairing(s): Amélie Nothomb/Chuck Palahniuk
Challenge/Prompt: scritta per il p0rnfest #8, con il prompt Amélie Nothomb/Chuck Palahniuk, "I miei lettori hanno paura di me" "Anche i miei"
Warnings: lime, turpiloquio, ripetizioni volute, tentativi (falliti) di ricalcare lo stile meraviglioso di Palahniuk.
Citazioni e rimandi ad alcuni suoi libri (in particolare “Invisible Monsters” e “Soffocare”). Citazioni e rimandi ad alcuni libri della Nothomb (“Igiene dell'assassino”, “Metafisica dei tubi” e “Biografia della fame”). Poco p0rn, molto disagio umano. Questi due sono dei pazzi e li amo. Non mi sento molto bene. È tutta colpa di lady_cocca1

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Johnny/Winona | never forever;

[Gotham] And love, such a silly game we play

Fandom: Gotham
Personaggi/Pairing(s): teen!Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle
Challenge/Prompt: scritta per il p0rnfest #8 con il prompt "Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle, frottage".
Warnings: lime, dry humping, corny fluff adolescenziale, future!fic?, underage (ma, ehi, i BatCat qui sono “on the clock e quindi legit” - Fae dixit)
Note: Non scrivo da secoli, sono arrugginita da morire e la fic è abbastanza insignificante, pochissimo p0rn e a rating ridicolo. Chiedo scusa in anticipo.
Credits: il titolo è preso da una canzone di Matt White, anche se in origine volevo intitolarla "Jizz in my pants" o, come mi è stato più elegantemente suggerito, "Ejaculate in my bottoms" lol

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E+F | you've made me weak;

[Skins] Il colore della neve

Fandom: Skins
Personaggi/Pairing(s): Freddie McClair/Effy Stonem
Warning: oneshot, fake-cut perché LJ mi cockblocka, fluff, angst, hurt-comfort(?) e cose che probabilmente hanno senso solo per me.
Prompt: “Tu sai perché la neve è bianca? Perché non riesce più a ricordare qual era un tempo il suo colore.” [Code Geass] > preso dall'Orfanotrofio di @piscinadiprompt.
Note iniziali: io non volevo tornare a farmi del male su questo fandom, su questo otp. Mai più. #einvece.

Mariano | sto molto bene;

[Boris] Roba

Fandom: Boris – la fuori serie italiana
Personaggi/Pairing(s): Arianna/Alessandro
Warnings: turpiloquio, espressioni gergali e dialettali romanesche, cose a cazzo di cane, fluff becero, tentativi falliti di ricalcare l'atmosfera della serie tv, riferimenti/spoiler per la 2x02, ("Tu sei roba mia. Io ti ho voluto, io ti ho scelto, e adesso tu non vai da nessuna parte")
Note iniziali:
- Ho scoperto“Boris” in ritardo rispetto al resto del mondo, ma me ne sono innamorata. È una sit-com ironica, satirica, originale e a tratti dolceamara, ma più di tutto italiana. La consiglio a chiunque voglia guardare qualcosa di diverso dal solito. E niente, vorrei ringraziare ancora una volta Tone - alla quale, tra l'altro, dedico questa shot, sperando che non sia ai livelli di 'Troppo frizzante'... Buona festa del Grazie!


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Johnny/Winona | never forever;

[Maleficent] I danced with you (once upon a prom)

Fandom: Maleficent
Characters/Pairing(s): Phillip/Aurora, Maleficent/Aurora
Warnings: AU, het, femslash, fluff, oneshot
Prompt by @mapi_littleowl : Maleficent/Aurora, modern!AU: Aurora (forced by her parents) goes to the prom with Phillip, but she ends up slow dancing with her teacher, Maleficent.


  • I kept the original names, except for Maleficent: it seemed too much “fairy-like” in a modern!AU kind of context. So I chose Mal, which is pretty uncommon, but it can occur as first or last name.

  • There are few obvious quotes from the movie script in some of the dialogues, also references to Lana Del Rey's cover of “Once upon a dream”.

Thanks to:

  • I'd like to thank @lady_cocca for being such a helpful beta reader. Her advice and opinion were essential :*

  • Special thanks also to @mapi_littleowl, who gave me this inspiring prompt. I hope you'll like how it turned out ♥

I danced with you (once upon a prom)

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